Navigating grief as a parent is different than navigating grief as any other kind of family member or friend. While there are similarities in the emotions that both parents and non-parents can feel when experiencing a major loss, parents have unique burdens and challenges that affect their ability to cope with their grief. Understanding the unique nature of a parents’ grief is a vital step towards developing effective coping strategies.

Parents grieve differently that those who are not parents. Grief for a parent usually is exacerbated by a profound sense of guilt, responsibility, loneliness, and regret. Having a child brings joy and joy can be followed by a deep sadness. For a parent, the sense of responsibility for the deceased person is overwhelming. While no parent can be expected to protect their child against death, it is normal for a parent to blame themselves in some way.

It’s also common for parents to feel increasing levels of loneliness and isolation, especially if their child was the only one. This is because parents are thrust into a new kind of existence they weren’t equipped to deal with. On top of the emotional grief, parents often have to handle the practical ramifications of their child’s death, such as dealing with estate planning, funeral arrangements, and mourning rituals.

Parents have unique healing needs that are often overlooked. Parents need additional understanding, space, and flexibility to allow themselves to grieve. This means not putting too many expectations or deadlines on recovery, being mindful of the pacing of recovery, and providing more patience and empathy. Parents might need alternative methods to stay connected to their child, such as creating a memorial or attending grief support groups.

Grieving as a parent can also be a confusing and isolating experience. Parents can struggle to balance their roles as mum and dad vs. parent and griefer. During the grieving process, parents often feel the need to take care of their children to show that they are still alive, but at the same time, need to take care of themselves in order to effectively process their grief.

Additionally, a parent’s grief doesn’t necessarily end with the death of their child. It can linger for years and potentially decades. Parents may experience grief in unexpected bursts, waves, and cycles and might have difficulty coming to terms with the death of their child. When support and resources are available to help, grief for parents can become more manageable.

All grieving parents deserve access to proper treatment, such as counseling, support groups, and therapy. Long-term recovery is possible with the right resources, but it’s important to remember that the journey is often long and winding. It is vital for parents to know that they are not alone and don’t need to manage their grief alone either. Connection, resilience, and courage are key elements in developing healthy coping strategies.

The truth about a parent’s grief is that it is unique and complex. Grief can’t be put on a timeline and can take months or even years to fully process. However, with the right support system in place, parents can take steps towards healing. If you are a parent who is grieving, know that your loss is real, and so are your feelings. You matter and your emotions are valid.