Life looks and feels different after something grievous has happened. It is common to hope that life will go back to feeling the same after something grievous has happened, such as the death of a child, which is not something one should hope for. The truth is, life will never be the same again. This does not mean that it won’t be beautiful and joyous in new ways, but it is important to understand that you have a new identity. You can hold the memory of what you are grieving in your new identity, but you can’t expect your new identity to feel the same as the old one.

There will be moments when you relive the pain in its entirety. Every grieving person can attest to this. There will be repeated moments of thinking you have moved on entirely, thinking you are done experiencing the grief, and then a wave of grief will roll over you without warning. This becomes exhausting to the body and mind, but this is a natural part of the grieving process.

However, this does not mean that you won’t have joyful moments that contrast with the grief. There will be many moments when the clouds roll away and the sun shows through and you will remember how to have a full heart. As you work your way through your grief, these moments will become more and more common. For a time, these moments will have to fluctuate with moments of continued grief, and eventually, they will even out into more steady emotions.

Many people describe this process by comparing it to learning how to function after an amputation, or learning to dance with a limp. The loss you experienced does not cease to be a loss. Instead, you make peace with the presence of the loss in your life. This is essentially learning to accept something over a long period of time, typically months or even years.

Grieving the loss of a child is one of the most painful things a parent can go through and it is not something that can be rushed. However, it is imperative to the grieving parent’s mental health that they do move on eventually, lest they become stuck in a state of grieving indefinitely. The thought of moving on from the loss of a child sounds relieving to some and awful to others. For some, the need to move on and continue life comes naturally in time, and is a welcome change. For others, the idea of moving on seems wrong, as if they are forgetting about their beloved child. Both ways of thinking are certainly understandable.

Grief is present everywhere in humanity, but the resilience to overcome grief is also everywhere in humanity. Even if moving on from the loss of a child feels wrong, you must push through your grief steps for your own good. It is not natural to dwell on death for a long amount of time. All of human productivity, optimism and forward movement depends on moving on from grief. Think of the innocent life of your child and the optimism that children naturally exude. Children can also have the remarkable gift of peace with death, which adults would do well to emulate. Think of how they would have wanted their parent happy and healthy instead of wallowing.

It is the responsibility of the individual, as well as their support system, to see that they learn to move on and gain their life back. It is easy to become stuck in a cycle of grief when someone loses a child. The pain is intense and pervasive. Many people mistake grief for a way of life instead of a phase of life that is meant to be temporary and find themselves unable to move on from it. Extended grief is not a natural state, but any form of grief can become extended grief. In fact, some parents choose to become addicted to a substance that is out of character. Therefore, it is important to check into substance abuse rehab Canada and address the issue before it becomes a problem.